There is a moment that exists between everything going right and everything going wrong. It happens in an instant, but if this morning could be replayed in slow motion, you would see the agonizing fuck that is silently leaving my mouth. The pavement hit me so hard that it knocked the wind out of my lungs. As I pulled myself to the curb, two things crossed my mind: get out of the way before a car hits you and please, somebody come check on me. Car after car passed me, never slowing to acknowledge my face plant on the pavement. A man stood at the bus stop a few feet away, and I thought if I said enough bad words, he would know I was in pain. Nothing. After stewing in my anger, not only at the wire ring that tripped me but at the fact that humanity seems to have lost its ability to care for others, a man did stop. He looked like he wanted to keep walking, but I’m certain the glare I was giving him signaled that he needed to check on my well being.
“Did you break anything?,” he asks.
“No. Just my pride,” I replied. He then offered to go get his car and take me home. Yes, I do believe he was well meaning but if I know anything, it’s not to get in the car with a stranger. Unless it’s an Uber. Then I will gladly go. I stood up, shaking, partly because the fall scared me half to death and also because I was hungry. Now I had 3.5 miles to run back home, blood oozing down my leg, road rash on my stomach and elbow, and Hillsborough Street grime covering me from head to toe. The worst part: I forgot to stop my Garmin. What a way to start the day.
I’ve taken one other bad fall on HIllsborough Street, almost four years ago. The only way I made it home that day was by channeling David Goggins. So today, before I started on my way back home, I switched my audio book to I Must Keep Going by Ben Lionel Scott. For the remainder of my run home, I chanted out loud I can do this. I can handle this. I’m a bad mother f*er and one way or another, I’m going to make it happen today. No, I didn’t hurt myself that bad, but yes I wanted to quit. I needed that extra mental boost and someone yelling in my ear telling me to get over my emotions, worked perfectly.
I’m okay. My race plans for Sunday may change and I’m probably never running in those shoes again. But it’s not that bad. However, the part that upset me the most was the willingness of people to keep going and ignore me. I know people saw me fall. There was someone at the bus stop less than 10 feet away. It’s dark, yes but I’m wearing flashing lights, which I know make me visible. I didn’t want anything from anyone, other than a kind word. A moment of compassion. Something that said, hey I see you. When I finally did make it home, I turned my frustration into a teachable moment for the girls. “Girls,” I said, “if you ever see someone in need of help, always be the person that reaches out. We need each other and a bit of compassion goes a long way.” Let’s look out for one another.
Now off to ice my knee…